Am I a fucking prophet or what? Ok, so it wasn't a pick 6 that sealed the game and the cover but it WAS a pick. So I'm counting it. But seriously, did you see that fucking game? Holy shit what a suckfest. Thank god I was tired and shut it off at halftime because that 2nd half must have been just brutal to watch. Whatever. A win's a win and I'll take it. And since Crabtree didn't find the endzone. Fuck him.
Ok, on to the rest of this week's games.
Home team in CAPS.
NEW YORK JETS (-7) over Jacksonville
Fucking CBS. Instead of showing the awesome matchup of Bengals-Steelers, I'm getting this stupid game. Assholes. Anyway, I would have loved to take the Jags here but I just have a feeling that Jets are going to get a blowout win to build their confidence before next week's trip to Foxboro. And no doubt they'll be yapping it the fuck up like the assholes they are. Fuck Mark Sanchez. Fuck Rex Ryan. Fuck the Jets. But they're winning this game handily.
Denver (-4) over WASHINGTON
Wow this line is low. Has Vegas seen what's been going on with the Redskins? Look for Denver to end their losing streak here. If I were a Skins fan I'd take the time to make a sign just so I'd have a story about it getting confiscated by Dan Snyder's storm troopers. Fucking Nazi.
PITTSBURGH (-7) over Cincinnati
Oh how I would love to take the Bengals here. I fucking loathe the Steelers. I just can't shake the feeling that the Steelers blow the fuck out of the Bengals and reclaim the throne in the AFC North. I still think Cincy is going to the playoffs but they're going to get knocked down a peg before hitting an easy run on their schedule in the next few weeks. Also, look for a Dorn of the Week nomination for Roger Goodell and the NFL for fining Ochocinco 20 grand for his little "bribe" stunt last week. That is fucking bullshit. It was one fucking dollar and it was god damn hilarious since the Ravens are so prone to bitching about the officials. Lighten the fuck up.
TENNESSEE (-7) over Buffalo
Buffalo fucking sucks. T.O. might not play. And the Titans are finally showing some signs of life. Vince Young might not be the stud he was in college but I still think he can get shit done and Chris Johnson has been running wild lately and will continue to do so this week.
MINNESOTA (-17) over Detroit
They can't make this line high enough. Minnesota is coming off a bye and Detroit...well, we know they're fucking terrible. Add to that the fact that Stafford is supposedly feuding with Megatron and we've got all the makings of a shitbeating. And of course, the fuckhead Brett Favre will be awesome again and the media will suck his dick all week for the millionth time.
New Orleans (-14) over ST. LOUIS
Another line that can't be high enough. I know the Saints have gotten off to slow starts the last few weeks but holy jebus, it's the fucking Rams! The Saints are going to roll to 12-0 before the Pats come to town.
Atlanta (-2) over CAROLINA
I find it amazing that Cutler leads the league in interceptions over Delhomme. It's true! But that doesn't change the fact that Delhomme is fucking awful. Honestly, if this game were in Atlanta I'd probably take the Panthers, but since Delhomme fucking sucks at home and is going to be booed at the first sign of his inevitable incompetence I'm rolling with the Falcons. Hopefully we get another sideline scuffle and the two Smiths (Mike and Steve) can slug it out.
MIAMI (-10) over Tampa Bay
Suicide pick alert! I'm running out of good teams to take in my suicide pool. I swear to god I'll take an underdog before this is over, but not yet. Miami is better than their record indicates (I fucking hate saying that) and the Bucs are probably still sucking each other off after last week's improbable win. On another note, how fucking pathetic is this Gatorade bath thing getting? First the Rams dumped the bucket on Steve Spagnuolo a couple weeks ago and now Raheem Morris got the same treatment last week. That's how you know your franchise fucking sucks. I don't give a shit if it's the coach's first victory as a head coach. Have some fucking respect for yourselves.
Kansas City (+2) over OAKLAND
See? I told you I'd take an underdog! Not that I have any confidence in this pick whatsoever. What a shitty game.
ARIZONA (-9) over Seattle
Okay, Cardinals. Time to fucking lock it up at home. Yeah, your 4-0 record on the road is nice and everything, but fuck, I still can't believe you lost to Carolina at home two weeks ago. If Kurt Warner can't beat the shit out of the Seahawks this weekend I fully expect him to renounce his faith.
SAN DIEGO (-3) over Philadelphia
This line has been taken off the board at bodog.com. What the fuck does that mean? Seriously, what the fuck? I'm completely flabbergasted by that. The Chargers are on a nice little run right now, and if they want to have any chance of catching the Broncos in the AFC West they need to win this game. Also, if Tomlinson scores more fantasy points than Crabtree and the difference costs me a win I'm going to be fucking pissed. Fucking Tomlinson. I knew it was a mistake to take him in the first round of my new keeper league this year but I did it anyway and it's been haunting me ever since. Fuck.
GREEN BAY (+3) over Dallas
The Cowboys are riding a little too high after their win at Philly and Tony Romo is due for a nice 3 pick game that brings all the doubters back out of the woodwork. I'm excited. Note to Aaron Rodgers: Throw the fucking ball before Demarcus Ware sacks your ass! As long as he does that we should see the Packers win.
New England (+3) over INDIANAPOLIS
This line opened at 2.5. Really? Enough people are betting on the Colts to move the line to 3? Obviously this is a ginormous game with first round bye implications on the line. Everyone is talking about how the Colts' secondary has been weakened by injuries to Bob Sanders and company. However, Sanders only played in 2 games before going on season ending IR last week and still the Colts' D has been playing well all year. But they haven't had their rookie CBs tested against the likes of Brady, Moss, and Welker. This game is gonna be a slugfest and I can't fucking wait for it. For all the hype about Brady and Manning, I think this game is going to come down to the matchup between Dwight Freeney and rookie Sebastian Vollmer, filling in for injured Matt Light. Vollmer is a fucking beast and I think he contains Freeney enough for Brady to take advantage of the Indy secondary. LET'S GO PATS!
Baltimore (-11) over CLEVELAND
The Browns are a fucking mess. The Ravens are pissed off after an embarrassing display last week and Cleveland is the perfect team for them to stomp on to take out that aggression.
