Dorn of the Week: Joey Porter

Hey everybody! Your Dorn of the Week is Joey Porter! What's that you say? He wasn't even nominated last week? Well fuck you! I make the rules, my little bitches.

Seriously though, does Joey Porter really ever need actually be nominated for Dorn of the Week. I mean the guy's always running his mouth, making ridiculous statements, crying like the abused child that he is, so there's really no need to point it out week after week. The guy is a grade-A asshole and sometimes it's just best to tune him out.

So when he gave interview after fucking interview to each and every dipshit reporter who thinks he's getting some outrageous soundbyte when Porter talks about how hates the Pats (for the millionth time), how the Pats cheated him out of two Super Bowl rings (blowing homefield advantage wasn't his fault!), and now, how Tom Brady can ask for a penalty flag and receive it any time he wants, I pretty much just let it go. After all, the guy is an idiot. He can't help himself. Whatever.

But then! Here comes gameday! And what does Porter do to exact his revenge on the evil Patriots? Jack. Fucking. Shit. Zero sacks. Zero tackles. Zero assists. Fucking NOTHING! Oh how sweet it is. And the best part, is that the Miami Herald has balls to call the Pats organization classless for putting this on the Jumbotron towards the end of the game.

Hey, you can't argue with the stats, people. Porter talked a big game and then got his ass handed to him by a rookie offensive guard and never got close enough to Brady to even sniff his Stetson. So fuck you, Joey Porter! And enjoy your time as Dorn of the Week.

And while we're here, don't think I forgot about you, Roy Williams! You're just lucky ol' fuckhead came along and decided not to make a SINGLE play yesterday or it would be your whiny ass occupying this spot. Oh, you made 5 catches for 75 yards and your team won? Well guess who Tony Romo looked for with the game on the line? That's right, Miles Austin, the supposed #2 receiver! Listen, asshole, just shut up and play and we can all move along.

Dorn of the Week Nominee: Roy Williams

"I'm the No. 1 receiver but thing's are just going No. 2's way. He gets the ball thrown correctly his way. I'm stretching and falling and doing everything. Everybody who's been here's balls are there. Our footballs are everywhere right now."

Holy shit is this guy for fucking real? Let's take a quick looksee at the stats, shall we? Williams has 16 starts for the Cowboys since arriving from Detroit last year and he's caught 33 passes for 447 yards and 3 touchdowns. Miles Austin has started 3 games and caught 21 passes for 458 yards and 5 touchdowns. Gee, I wonder why "things are going No. 2's way?" What a fucking asshole. The Cowboys are 5-2 and are finally showing signs of life after a poor start to the season and this shithead has to mouth off about Tony Romo? What a complete and utter piece of shit. Get fucked, Roy Williams, you're the leader in the clubhouse for Dorn of the Week. Congratulations, dick.

Source: ESPN