Welcome to Monday Morning Fuck You, a recap of everyone and everything from the weekend that deserves a giant middle finger aimed squarely in their direction.1. The Philadelphia Phillies (especially you, Brad Lidge)
Last night's game had much more on the line than simply swinging the World Series one way or another. Yesterday had the makings of true greatness when it comes to hating teams from New York. I mean seriously, first the Giants absolutely shit the bed against the Eagles. That was a fucking pathetic display of attempted football, the kind of game that leaves fans of the team completely catatonic and ruined for the rest of the day, and haters of the team with shit-eating grins. Fucking outstanding. And at the exact same time, the douchebag J-E-T-S were getting fucking embarrassed by Ted Ginn Jr., of all people, and Rex Ryan just had to stand their in his piece of shit Titans throwback muumuu and take it like the little bitch he is. AHAHAHAHAHA! All that was left was for the Phillies to finish the job. But nooooooooooo, Brad Lidge had to come in a fuck everything up. I don't give a rat's ass that he didn't blow a save last year, the guy is fucking terrible. He's Joe fucking Borowski on a lucky streak and last night, that luck ran out. And now we're 1 win away from BamaDawg celebrating another WS win. Fuck. That.
2. The NFL and NBC
Everyone has already talked about this before the weekend but I'm gonna bitch about it anyway. Why the fuck does the NFL bow out because the World Series every year? Seriously, I could give a fuck about watching two baseball teams that I don't care about, but I'd damn sure be watching football. Instead, since I don't give a shit about the game, I let Wifey pick a show and I'm stuck watching House Hunters on HGTV until she falls asleep and I can switch back the game, which I still don't care about, but at least it's sports. Can you imagine the ratings raping that would have occurred if the NFL had decided to throw Green Bay-Minnesota up as the night game? Hey, speaking of that...
3. Brett Favre
Like I said, he'll be here every week. Oh that was some delicious booing he got treated to as he ran onto the field before the game. I applaud you, Packer fans. And of course, Favre, being the complete dickhead that he is, goes out and throws 4 TDs and 0 picks en route to a soul-crushing defeat for the Packers. Ouch.
4. USC's defense
Holy jesus, what the fuck happened here? I thought the offense was supposed to be the question mark for USC? The fucking Ducks absolutely abused the 'vaunted' Pete Carroll defense and pulled off the shocking (at least to me) upset. I can't wait for Pete Carroll to bitch about USC's ranking after this atrocity. Fucking prick. And now there's sure to be a bunch of fuckheads who want to vault the Ducks over Boise State. Fuck you, assholes, look at the head-to-head results.
5. The people down the hall in my apartment building
It smells nice in my apartment, for the most part (hey, I fart a lot), but if you step foot into the hallway outside...ho-ly fuck. It's like getting knocked down by a tsunami of foul-smelling dogshit. Seriously, it smells like hot garbage, and it's all because of two apartments down the hall. I don't know what the fuck they are doing in there, but I definitely know that they are the source. To make matters even worse, now that Wifey is pregnant, she's a bit sensitive to odors, and now she has to hold her breath and cover her nose or else she starts gagging, which makes me want to break some fucking skulls. So fuck you, you smelly fucking fucks!
