MMFU: Eff 600

1. ESPN and any other station interrupting regular programs to show A-Rod's at-bats

Alex Rodriguez is sitting on 599 career home runs and at some point in the near future will hit number 600. Good for him. Only six other players have ever done that. But holy shit is it really such a big deal that ESPN needs to interrupt whatever they're showing so we can watch every at-bat until he finally hits a bomb? Fuck. No.

Seriously, who gives a shit? A-Rod's in the prime of his career and might end up with over 800 home runs if he stays healthy. It's not like he's some declining superstar like Griffey clinging to the tail end of his career trying to reach one last milestone. Sure, it'd be kind of cool to actually be in the ball park when A-Rod hits No. 600 but I guarantee you no one in their right mind is watching ESPN during Yankee games and waiting for them to switch to an A-Rod at-bat.

It's fucking stupid and annoying and it really pisses me off.

2. Dez Bryant

Dez Bryant is making news this morning because he refused to participate in rookie "hazing" and wouldn't carry Roy Williams' pads after practice. And now we've got dipshits like Peter King praising him and saying it's good that someone is taking a stand.

Fuck that. Is hazing stupid? Yes. Is Roy Williams a shitty fucking receiver dipshit? Yes. But jesus, it's not like Bryant is being asked to do anything outlandish or humiliating. Just carry the fucking pads, asshole. Big fucking deal.

Enjoy being taped to the goal post later this week, rookie. What an ass.

3. The Weather Channel

Look, I know I shouldn't take the weather forecast to the bank or anything but shit, don't tell me it's going to thunderstorm all day and then have it be sunny and hot as shit with no clouds instead. Now you might be saying, "Isn't that a better alternative?" Of course it is, in most cases. But this time it meant having to do 4 hours worth of destruction on a wild rose bush in the blazing sun, cutting my hands and forearms on the thorns, and getting burnt to shit since I was too stupid to put any sunscreen on. My arms are going to be peeling like CRAZY in a few days.

God Damn You A-Rod

Look, I'm no A-Rod fan. It pisses me off that he fled from Seattle to take that mondo contract from the Rangers even though the team was fucking terrible and he had no chance to win a World Series there. I rejoiced as the Mariners won a record-tying 116 games the following year while Texas never even sniffed the playoffs. They may have even finished in last place in their division but I'm far too lazy to look it up. Then came the whole ridiculous Red Sox trade rumors followed by the inevitable trade to the Yankees. Then came the whole "A-Rod can't perform in the clutch" stuff that was partly true, but also unfair. When comparing his playoff stats with Jeter's, before this year, they were actually remarkably similar. Again, I'm too lazy to actually look them up and post them here but I DID read about it somewhere else! So when Rodriguez went on his tear starting in the Division series and then the ALCS I was actually happy for him, despite the fact that I just can't root for the Yankees. I'm telling you, my mind is all kinds of fucked up this postseason. I'm rooting against the Yankees but I'm rooting for A-Rod. I'm rooting against C.C. but I'm rooting for Cliff, even though C.C. meant much more to the Indians than Lee ever did. I'm all over the fucking place. So when A-Rod just came up with the bases chucked and 1 out in the third inning a few minutes ago, I ended up rooting for him to fucking destroy a Pedro pitch into the 10th fucking deck, even though that doesn't exist. And that fucker let me down by putting up a pathetic backwards K. What a fucking prick. Fuck him. And fuck the Yankees for, of course, getting a hit immediately after that to score to runs. Guh. Might as well start the fucking parade. This game is over. Congratulations BamaDawg. And also, fuck you and fuck the Yankees.