Welcome to Monday Morning Fuck You, a recap of everyone and everything from the weekend that deserves a giant middle finger aimed squarely in their direction.
1. That Fucking Game Last Night 
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! That fucking sucked. I seriously considered waiting until tomorrow to do MMFU since I'm exhuasted, but fuck it, let's get it out of the way. Fuck that game. Fuck Peyton Manning. Fuck Reggie Wayne and his impossibly good hands. Fuck the dipshits running the RCA Dome who tried to burn the fucking house down. Fuck the Pats' D for letting up in the 4th quarter and allowing the 79-yard TD drive that apparently put the fear of God into Belichick. And fuck not being able to get 2 fucking yards at the most critical juncture of the game. Fuck.
Bill Belichick is getting skewered all over the place for the decision to go for it on 4th down at the end of the game. Most of it is fair, but let's cut the shit with the people calling it one of the worst decisions in the history of football and/or sports, shall we? Was it a great or even good call? Absolutely not. But a big reason for that judgement is because of the result. If Faulk doesn't juggle the ball and comes up with the first down, the same people ripping BB to shreds this morning are singing his praises. I also have a feeling that Brady had something to do with talking Belichick into going for it, so maybe Tom should be taking some of the heat as well. I don't know.
What I do know is that the Patriots showed me enough to know that if/when they're back in Indy for the playoffs, they have a good enough team to put themselves in position to win. And that's all you can really ask for as a fan.
Fucking Colts.
2. The Sports Guy, Bill Simmons
I'm a big fan of Bill Simmons, to the point where you could even call me a Simmons Apologist at times, but I was so fucking annoyed with this segment in his picks column on Friday that I immediately knew I'd be writing about him this morning. Let's take a look:
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! That fucking sucked. I seriously considered waiting until tomorrow to do MMFU since I'm exhuasted, but fuck it, let's get it out of the way. Fuck that game. Fuck Peyton Manning. Fuck Reggie Wayne and his impossibly good hands. Fuck the dipshits running the RCA Dome who tried to burn the fucking house down. Fuck the Pats' D for letting up in the 4th quarter and allowing the 79-yard TD drive that apparently put the fear of God into Belichick. And fuck not being able to get 2 fucking yards at the most critical juncture of the game. Fuck.
Bill Belichick is getting skewered all over the place for the decision to go for it on 4th down at the end of the game. Most of it is fair, but let's cut the shit with the people calling it one of the worst decisions in the history of football and/or sports, shall we? Was it a great or even good call? Absolutely not. But a big reason for that judgement is because of the result. If Faulk doesn't juggle the ball and comes up with the first down, the same people ripping BB to shreds this morning are singing his praises. I also have a feeling that Brady had something to do with talking Belichick into going for it, so maybe Tom should be taking some of the heat as well. I don't know.
What I do know is that the Patriots showed me enough to know that if/when they're back in Indy for the playoffs, they have a good enough team to put themselves in position to win. And that's all you can really ask for as a fan.
Fucking Colts.
2. The Sports Guy, Bill Simmons
I'm a big fan of Bill Simmons, to the point where you could even call me a Simmons Apologist at times, but I was so fucking annoyed with this segment in his picks column on Friday that I immediately knew I'd be writing about him this morning. Let's take a look:
"Our first one: I wrote a chunk of this column at a local Starbucks. One seat
over from me, some dude in his 40s was listening to music on his headphones,
playing online Scrabble and occasionally talking loud calls on his cell phone.
How much do you have to hate your own apartment, house, wife or girlfriend that
you say, "I can't stand it here anymore, I'm going to Starbucks to play online
Scrabble?" Last week, someone brought work to the same Starbucks, then proceeded to sing and hum to the songs they were playing despite everyone else glaring at
her. Of course, that didn't top what happened to me nearly two years ago, when some crazy dude grabbed a New York Times from the newspaper rack, brought it into the unisex bathroom, proceeded to drop anchor for the next 15 minutes, then emerged from the bathroom holding the newspaper like Dad coming out of the john on a Saturday morning.
Now, in a perfect world, people would only go to a coffeehouse to eat, drink, write,
read, study or converse. You can't turn it into your personal office. You can't act like it's your house. You can't make loud phone calls and sing along to music. You can't sit in a comfy chair not drinking, not eating and not doing anything other than staring at everyone else. But since people can't seem to get the hang of this, here's my suggestion: Every coffee place should designate one employee (a barista, waitress, pastry chef or whomever) as a de facto bouncer. It becomes their job to jettison loiterers, loud talkers, losers, weirdos and everyone else. Maybe they could even wear different uniforms. We could call them "coolers." This would work. Until then, I will remain peeved."
Ok, so those are a couple annoying situations, and the taking the paper into the shitter thing is pretty brutal, but what pisses me off is the statement, "You can't turn it into your personal office. You can't act like it's your house." Oh really, you fucking asshole? Isn't that EXACTLY what you're doing? Guess what, fuckface, if you don't want to be bothered by people talking in a public place, STAY THE FUCK HOME. How much do YOU have to hate YOUR own house, wife and kids to have to sit in a Starbucks and write a column bitching about other people in Starbucks? Go back to your fucking office man-cave with 4 tvs and everything else that you love bringing up all the fucking time. What a fucking pretentious prick.
3. The Boston Celtics
Hey assholes! Stop fucking losing games on Friday fucking night! Jesus christ is it too much for me to ask to see a win to start my weekend? And if you're gonna be complete dickwads and lose on Friday, at least have the common fucking decency to win your next game! Fucking christ.
4. Brett Favre
You can just feel it in the air, can't you? The second-half collapse is coming any day now. There's only so many times that Adrian Peterson can bail Favre's old ass out (and against the Lions of all teams) before Favre completely fucks the Vikings and their fans right in the face.
5. BoozeRob
You were at a wedding with Jason Bay in attendance and you didn't get any insight on where he might sign this offseason? Fucking A, man! What kind of fucking blogger are you? Fuck being polite! Get in his grill and make him admit he's not coming back to the Red Sox so I can laugh at the fans over here! What a fucking wasted opportunity.
