NFL Draft Tonight!

Sweet fucking tits it's NFL Draft night! So without further ado, let's jump into some draft and other NFL thoughts, shall we?

1. I'm pretty sure I think I like the new draft format
I'm pretty sure I like this new draft format. 1st round tonight. 2nd and 3rd rounds tomorrow night. Everything else on Saturday. I'm also pretty sure that by tomorrow morning I will fucking LOVE it. Yeah, I'm kinda annoyed that I'm gonna have to stay up until midnight only to have the Patriots trade out of the first round, but it's going to be awesome to spend all day tomorrow talking about who got drafted in the first round and who's left for the second round. And you absolutely have to love that kind of distraction at work. Fan-fucking-tastic. Plus, now that I'm married with a kid on the way it would have been harder and harder to keep blocking off an entire Saturday year after year.

2. Speaking of the Pats, please don't trade down
Look, we get it. Belichick likes hoarding draft picks and all that bullshit but let's face it, the last few Patriots' drafts haven't yielded much in the way of serviceable players. For once can we just fucking pick the best player for our team in the spot we're at? And I swear to god, if that player ends up Jermaine Gresham I'm going to fucking lose my shit. Yeah, the Pats need a TE besides Alge Crumpler, but spending another 1st round pick on a position that has such a minimal impact on the offense is fucking insane. Please tell me that the Pats have learned their lesson after Daniel Graham and Ben Watson.

As for who I want? One way or another (trading up, a player dropping down, whatever) I hope the Pats end up getting Rolando McClain, Derrick Morgan, CJ Spiller, Dez Bryant or Sergio Kindle.

3. Tim Tebow
Quite frankly, there's a small part of me that would like it if the Pats end up taking Tebow, if only because Dan Shanoff hates the Pats so much. The ironing would be delicious. But besides that, I can't see the Pats taking him the first round. Please God no. If he's available for one of the three second round picks that the Pats have? Well, fine. I happen to think that Tebow will make a good NFL quarterback. And if he sits behind Tom Brady, learning from the best, who knows what his ceiling would be. He isn't some one-year starter wonder like Tim Couch, Jason White, and every other bust that always comes up. The kid is legit. Even if I think he's annoying as shit and the continuous media blowjob of him is awful.

4. The Rams are making a mistake if/when they take Sam Bradford #1
I truly don't understand what the fuck the Rams are thinking. Bradford seems like a good guy who will work his ass off to be the best QB he can possibly be. But that doesn't change the fact that he just missed his entire senior year because some tiny ass college D-lineman fell on his shoulder and completely destroyed it. What happens when some beast NFL player hits him? And that's gonna fucking happen A LOT. Yeah, he won the Heisman, but a shitload of busts have won that award as well. To switch from a sure thing like Ndamukong Suh to Bradford just because he impressed everyone on his pro day, throwing without pads or defensive pressure, just seems fucking stupid to me. We'll see how it plays out, but the Lions are getting a fucking hell of a gift with Suh dropping to #2.

5. 2 weeks away from the due date
Baby Mark Show is two motherfucking weeks away. Holy fucking shit! I've done so much baby prep work in the last month and it's finally all done. Pretty much. But of course, the work is never going to end once the baby comes. And that's just fine. I couldn't be more excited. It's going to be fucking awesome. Just make sure to remind me that it's awesome when I'm waking up every three hours to change a poopy diaper because Wifey is sleeping between feeding the baby every three hours.

Dorn of the Week: Adalius Thomas

As you may have heard, the Patriots sent 4 players home from practice on Wednesday for showing up late to a morning meeting. One of those players was Randy Moss, and his subsequent performance in Sunday's game caused me to include him in the MMFU. But as shitty as his performance was, at least he kept his fucking mouth shut, which was something Adalius Thomas couldn't do:

Yesterday, Thomas chafed at the notion that Wednesday’s dismissal was
motivating.
“Motivation is for kindergartners,’’ he said. “I’m not a
kindergartner. Sending somebody home, that’s like, ‘You’re expelled until you
come back and make good grades.’ Get that [expletive] out of here. It’s
ridiculous.’’

In the middle of Thomas’s 10-minute session with a throng of reporters,
healthy-yet-inactive cornerback Shawn Springs walked past. Springs peered over
the pack and in a playful voice called out, “Sorry, AD.’’

Thomas laughed and called back, “Sorry, Shawn.’’

“I was told to go home, I went home,’’ Thomas said. “Enjoyed my day
off. Put my toes up in the air and relaxed.’’

Oh, so you don't need motivation, huh fuckwad? You signed a huge free agent contract in 2007 and you have done exactly jack fucking SHIT since you got here. You've sucked donkey dick all fucking season. You were a fucking HEALTHY scratch week 6 versus the Titans. You are fucking awful and you're playing like complete shit and this latest bitchy little outburst got your underproducing ass benched again. You clearly haven't been able to unfuck yourself so Belichick had to step in. Take a look in the mirror you piece of shit. Tom Brady's wife fucking gave birth the night before and he still made it to the stadium on time.

So all together now: SHUT UP, DORN! You and Shawn Springs can go fuck yourselves, laughing it up as free agent busts. Congratufuckinglations, asshole. Enjoy your extended vacation until you get traded or cut in the offseason.