You know what really grinds my gears?

Do you want to know what really grinds my gears? Jenna Elfman continuing to get chances at sitcoms. How many chances does a not funny, not attractive, not good at acting actress get? For some ungodly reason "Dharma and Greg" lasted 5 years. I'd rather watch Sex and the City with Mariah Carey playing in the background than even listen to the theme song of "Dharma and Greg". When that show failed, television apparently thought it was a good idea to give her another tv show that was basically the same as the first one, except the roles were reversed. Naturally, that epically failed and didn't make it past Season 1. Three years later, apparently tv watchers are retarded or their memory falls in line with the legal system's statute of limitations - at least that's what television producers are counting on, because this no-talent bunt got yet another show that's destined to fail. But hey, in 3 years we can count on her cranking out another piece of shit pilot.


You know what else really grinds my gears? The word "ginormous". Never understood the meaning of it. It combines two words that mean the same thing, and apparently the creator of the word thought this combination would be like 1+1 = 2, which works fine for numbers, but not necessarily for words. Ginormous means the same thing as gigantic and enormous, so it's a pointless word that just makes people dumber every time they hear it. The wife knows better than to say it around me, otherwise she'll get a cupful of gasoline tossed on her. (I'm not lighting her on fire - she's my wife and future mother of my children, you sick fucks. I don't want her burnt.)

Two other things really grind my gears, which just came about while watching the Angels/Yankees playoff game. First, Brian Fuentes' throwing motion. How the fuck is this guy in the major leagues with that kind of crap-flailing arm action? It's a baseball Brian - not a dried-up horse apple (for you idiots that don't know your Shawshank, that's a piece of horseshit). Joe Girardi and his incessant need to make lineup changes also grinds my gears. He yanks Damon in the bottom of the 11th for Jerry Hairston as a defensive replacement. Normally, I'm cool with that, but Jerry Hairson was already the DH! This meant the pitcher would bat in Damon's spot, which was coming up 3rd in following inning. If you wanted to make a pitching change for the next inning, no problem - thing is, that guy named Rivera was on the mound. And he's someone you kinda want out there as long as possible. To cap that off, in the bottom of the 12th Girardi yanked right-hander Dave Robertson, who got two quick and easy outs, for another right-handed pitcher. Who promptly gave up the game-winning double. Who doesn't have near the stuff that Robertson had. But since two outs had occurred, Joe was getting bored and felt he needed to get some exercise, so out to the mound he goes to call in the douche that gave the Angels the opportunity to get back in the game.

The last thing that really grinds my gears is when friends, family, or other people I know call me after my favorite team(s) loses a big game (kind of like today's ALCS), asking me if I watched or had seen the game. Gee fucker, I had completely forgotten that my favorite team was playing in a playoff series that determined whether it would go to the World Series, but hey thanks for calling to tell me that my team fucking lost. Or, you're just a complete fucking dickhead, knew I had watched the game, and just felt like calling to rub it in because for some reason you get pleasure out of my misery. It's one thing if it's a chick (or, my mom and/or sister) calling to act petty, but for a buddy to do it just flat out pisses me off. Next time you get in a car accident or get hair in your food I'll be there with my finger in your face laughing my goddamn ass off!!

And that folks, is what really grinds my gears.