Welcome to Monday Morning Fuck You, a recap of everyone and everything from the weekend that deserves a giant middle finger aimed squarely in their direction. Let's get this fucker underway, in no particular order:1. The BCS Rankings
Now, I have no problem with TCU jumping over Boise State in the rankings. Sure, it pisses me off, but I saw that shit coming. What I can't fucking see is how in the fuck, Iowa could jump to #4 after needing every goddamn second in the game to pull a win out of their asses at Michigan State. How the fuck are they ranked ahead of TCU, nevermind Boise State and Cincinatti. Complete and utter bullshit. And I guess the computers actually COULD hear Pete Carroll crying like a little bitch after last week's rankings since USC somehow jumped up 2 spots as well after beating unranked Oregon State at home. By 6 lousy fucking points. Get fucked, Pete Carroll, you and the BCS rankings can just fuck right off.
2. Mark Shapiro
Surprise! I'm saying Fuck You to Mark Shapiro! I, for one, am not fucking ready for the Manny Acta Era in Cleveland. I am depressed as all hell and the god damn playoffs aren't even over yet. 2010 is going to be a motherfucking abortion of a season for the Indians, and that's saying something, considering these last two years. And of course, with the Yankees finally finishing off the Angels last night (fuck you too, rain delay!) we are now set for the Game 1 matchup of Cliff Lee vs. C.C. Sabathia. Fuck my fucking life.
3. Brett Favre
He'll be here every week. Fucking asshole. But holy sweet jesus was that fun watching him puke the game away yesterday. Adrian Peterson destroys William Gay's shit, heads to the sideline for a breather and to revel in his awesomeness and all of a sudden...FUMMMMBBBBLLLLE! And they're off to the races. That was delicious. The subsequent pick 6 followed by a game ending sack were just icing and the cherry on top. Fuck you right in the ear, Brett Favre.
4. The NFL slate of games
Well, that was one boring, piece of shit Sunday, huh? Blowout city all over the god damn place. Would it kill some of you shitty teams to actually make things interesting for once? It would? Well fuck you then.
5. The asshole old people who live in my apartment building
The majority of the tenants in my apartment complex are senior citizens and some of them are complete dickheads. There are three different cars that refuse to use just one parking space and consistently park diagonally across two spaces. This drives me fucking insane. And it's always GOOD spaces that are getting wasted. Also, in the basement, there is a little area with a bunch of shopping carts near the elevators. This comes in handy because instead of making 52 trips back and forth to the car after a shopping trip we can just load everything into a cart and take the elevator. There's a HUGE fucking sign instructing people to return the carts when they are done with them. But do they? These lazy old fucks? Of course not. And this weekend, after going shopping, there were NO carts and I was fucking enraged. I went storming up the stairs, checking each floor for carts, finally found one on the fifth floor and made as much noise as possible banging the cart around the hall to get it back to the elevator. I hope it ruined some game of Mah Jong or something. Then, after getting my groceries and heading back inside, some crotchety old fuck gave me the evil eye and hissed "You know you need to bring that back after you're done, right?" That fucking prick is lucky I didn't go straight to ramming speed and destroy his brittle hips. What a dick.
Next week I'll actually try to get this up in the morning, fuckers.
