College Football Picks O' The Week!

Well its Friday, and that means more College Football tomorrow! I was 2-2 last week thanks to Auburn and Oregon. Honestly I should have seen Oregon coming, but the homer in me had to take the Dawgs for the upset.

Whoops.

Anyway, on to this weeks picks!

*Note: As always, if you gamble from my picks you deserve to fucking die.


#3 Texas @ #14 Oklahoma State
Fuck the entire state of Oklahoma. Seriously.
8 pm ET, ABC

Line: Texas -9.5

No beating around the bush on this. Texas wins, and I think Texas wins big. No Dez Bryant = Who fucking cares for the Cowboys. So what if the Horns can't run the ball? Colt McCoy (Bonus! Supposedly thats his girl on the left) is going to have a goddamn field day with the OSU defense. If the Cowboys have any hope, they need to hit McCoy early and hit him often. Take the Horns and the points.

Texas 34 - Okie State 14


Washington St @ #17 Notre Dame - In San Antonio, Texas!
The "Why the fuck is this game in Texas?" Game of the Week.
7:30 pm ET, NBC

Notre Dame -27.5 (HA!)

Seriously, why the fuck is this game in Texas? Maybe because WSU is the worst draw in college football? Seriously this is a team that can't fill its own 30k seat stadium in a town with nothing to fucking do. I could only imagine Notre Dame wanting to put a patsy on the schedule but not wanting to subject their home crowd to the absolute shittiness of Coach Paul Wulff's squad. This team is so fucking bad, I would be surprised if they cross the 50 at any point in the first half.

Jimmy Clausen should have an absolute field day against an atrocious Cougar defense, further cementing himself as the best QB to have worn a speedo in College Football. Look for Golden Tate to have a repeat performance of his orgasm against the other team from Washington earlier this year.

Take touchdown Jesus for the big win.

ND 45 - WSU 3

#25 Mississippi @ Auburn
The "Dueling Banjo's" Game of the Week
12:21 PM ET, ESPN 360

Line:Auburn -4.5

First of all, fuck you Auburn for last week. I pull out the War Eagle and you fuckers get stomped by LSU? We're done, Auburn. It's over. That was the last time I let you fuck me over.

Ah who am I kidding.... I'm a sucker for southern bitches the War Eagle. Thats right, I can quit you like Lindsey Lohaan can quit doing blow.

It's no secret that Auburn's defense has struggled all season, the real surprise has been the steady decline of it's offense. Auburn managed only 10 points last week against LSU (fuck) and they're riding a three game losing streak. Ole Miss on the other hand is riding a two game win streak and RB Dexter McCluster is coming off a career game against Arkansas (137 yds Rec 1 TD, 123 yards Rushing). All signs in this game are pointing to an Ole Miss "upset", but I'm betting on the home crowd to fuel the Tigers to a win.

Auburn 24 - Ole Miss 21

GAME OF THE WEEK!
#5 USC @ #10 Oregon
The "Any chance a fucking asteroid destroys the stadium?" Bowl
8:00 PM ET, ABC

Line: USC -4

I've been thinking about this game for a couple of days now since Whoregon Oregon fans everywhere are calling this the "most important home game in our history." First of all, thats fucking pathetic. For a program that has supposedly accomplished so much since their entrance to big time football in 1994, (Ask any Duck fan, they have no idea what happened with their sorry program before Kenny Wheatons pick.) you would think they would have BCS Championships. Maybe even a couple of Rose Bowls... No, they have Sun Bowls. Neat.

Anyway, Oregon is hosting USC this week for what will certainly decide the Pac 10 title and a Rose Bowl birth (which Oregon hasn't won since sometime back in the early 1900's. Someone check the cave paintings...). Jeremiah Masoli and the Oregon offense rode a huge third quarter to squash hated rival UW last week while USC squeaked by Oregon State at home.

Is there a chink in the Trojan armor? Sure. I mean the Huskies beat them.

However, Oregon has a huge task this week of trying to score on a swarming USC defense. The last time Oregon played a team that put constant pressure on Masoli and their gimick offense, LeGarette Blount threw a punch that shocked no one familiar with the program.

Autzen stadium shouldn't bother Trojan Freshman QB Matt Barkley who performed admirably at The Ohio State University earlier this season, but then again you never know for sure how someone will react when a bottle of piss is thrown on them.

This game comes down to Defense. Oregon's D has been stellar, but USC's could replace the Detroit Lions and not miss a fucking beat. I'm taking the Trojans in this one, but I wouldn't be shocked if Oregon steals this one and runs for the Roses. If that happens, look for me standing out on the street waving my dick at traffic. Thats what happens when you polish off a half G of Johnny Walker.

USC 28 - Oregon 24