Well here we go, time for me to dish out some shitty picking advice. Put your money on my picks at your own fucking risk. (Home teams in CAPS)
San Diego (-5.5) over KANSAS CITY
The Chiefs are fucking awful. Matt Cassel is proving week after week that he pretty much swindled KC into that huge contract. It's becoming pretty clear that his success was due to Belichick and the talent on the Patriots roster much more than the talent in himself. Which isn't much. What an asshole. It's like winning the fucking lottery, backing up two Heisman winners and Brady, then benefiting from the best NFL system in the league and suddenly he gets 60 million dollars. Fuck my life.
Indianapolis (-14) over ST. LOUIS
My suicide pool pick this week. I don't give a shit if Indy only wins by 1 point, but this is probably gonna be a blowout. Peyton Manning is on fucking fire. And the Colts are coming off a bye.
Green Bay (-7) over CLEVELAND
This line has been taken off of bodog.com, which means everyone and their fucking mother is banging the Packers like they're auditioning for Brazzers. Excellent game to throw in a tease.
PITTSBURGH (-5) over Minnesota
Hey, a home team I like! Actually, I have no fucking clue what is going to happen in this game (unlike the other games where I'm fucking Nostradamus). If I were actually putting money on these games, I wouldn't touch this game with BamaDawg's dick, but I just have a feeling this is the first (of many) Favre implosions.
New England (-15.5) over TAMPA BAY (in London, ya fucking wankers)
Possibly a letdown game for the Pats after last week's raping of the Titans, but the homer in me says this is gonna be a similar blowout.
San Francisco (+3) over HOUSTON
Houston has fucked me all year long in my picks league and I expect this week to be no different so I'm hedging my bets here. I'm picking Houston in my non-spread league and the Niners in my spread league.
OAKLAND (+7) over New York Jets
Another homer pick. Fuck Mark Sanchez. Fuck Rex Ryan. Fuck the Jets and their fans.
Buffalo (+7) over CAROLINA
The Panthers shouldn't be favored by a touchdown over anyone except for the Rams.
CINCINNATI (pick 'em) over Chicago
The Bengals get back on track this week and Cutler sulks. At least I'll have one part of this prediction correct.
New Orleans (-7) over MIAMI
Drew Breesus continues his assault on the league and Gregggggg Williams shuts down the wildcat. Bonus points if/when Joey Porter says something fucktarded after the game.
Atlanta (+4) over DALLAS
Another loss in Jerry's World. Will this be the game a punt FINALLY hits the fucking video screen. Aim for that shit, punters! If this entire season passes without a single punt nailing that fucker I'm going to be seriously disappointed.
NEW YORK GIANTS (-7) over Arizona
Kind of a risky pick since the weather could play a factor and Elisha falls apart in the wind but the Giants have to be pissed off after taking a shitbeating in the Big Easy last week. Plus you know Anquan Boldin is going to be terrified of going over the middle since his last visit to the Meadowlands.
Philadelphia (-7) over WASHINGTON
The Zorn Watch continues! A lot of people are upset with Philly for the piece of shit they crapped out in Oakland last week. Not me! Sure, it cost me some points in the picks league but it also knocked a fuckload of people out of the suicide pools I'm in. Fucking. Party.
BYE over SEATTLE
Bye wins this one in a fucking rout.
