Holy shitballs it's Sunday morning and I haven't done my NFL post yet! Fuck me! Alright so let's get right to the games...INDIANAPOLIS (-7.5) over New York Jets
We could easily change this line to SATAN (-1 GAZILLION) over My Soul. I'm still in shock that the two teams I hate the most in the fucking world are squaring off with a Super Bowl appearance on the line. If there were a god, which this game clearly illustrates there is not, the Jets would win this game. The ironing of the Colts laying down and allowing the Jets into the playoffs only to see the Jets come back and beat them would be delicious. De-li-cious. Unfortunately I don't think it's going to happen.
But more importantly, who would I rather see win this game? Well, neither team, obviously, but if you put a gun to my head and made me choose, I think I'd have to say the Colts. If Manning didn't already have a Super Bowl it would be Jets all the way, or if the Colts weren't complete pussies and were actually undefeated right now. But as it sits now, another Manning Super Bowl win doesn't really bother me that much. He'll still have fewer than Brady, and obviously nothing changes with all of his MVPs and stats and all that bullshit. Whatever.
But the Jets? Oh fucking mercy. We all know their fans are complete and utter fucktards as is, but can you imagine what it would be like if they win a Super Bowl? (Yes, I know, Boston fans are obnoxious. Point taken) Not only that, but a New York win would also bring out every piece of shit fuckhead that roots for whatever New York team happens to be winning at the moment. Jesus christ I fucking hate people like that.
Put it this way, the Colts are gonorrhea and the Jets are herpes. At some point, Peyton Manning is going to retire and the Colts will return to sucking. Eventually, they're going away, just like gonorrhea once you get a shot or take whatever you take to get rid of it. But the Jets? They're in the division, they're here for fucking over. Sure, they may not always be a factor, but every once in a while there's an outbreak and it's the worst thing ever. God I fucking hate the Jets. So there you go, I'm taking gonorrhea over herpes and that's that. Fucking shit.
(Note: all STD knowledge obtained from tv commercials and Eddie Murphy's Delirious)
NEW ORLEANS (-4) over Minnesota
This is it, people. It's going to happen. It's got to happen. It BETTER fucking happen! This is the game where Brett Favre is going fuck the Vikings in the ass. I can feel it in my bones. Oh sure, he said on NFL Live or whatever show that he knows that if the Saints get a couple quick scores that he has to remain patient but we all know the truth about that fucktaster. The Gunslinger is still alive and just waiting to rear it's glorious head at just the right moment to crush the dreams of Vikings fans everywhere. And I'm going to love it. Fucking LOVE it.
The Saints have to win this game. They just do. For the love of all that is holy. Please, New Orleans, save us from two weeks of nonstop Favre. Yes, the Hurricane Katrina storyline is overplayed and annoying, but it's nothing compared to Favre. Fucking. Go. Saints.
