Holy fuck it's 2010! Time to kick things off right with a whole new batch of Fuck Yous!
1. The turf at Reliant Stadium
MOTHER. FUCKER. God fucking dammit. I really did not need to start out Week 17 by watching Wes Welker fucking destroy his ACL and MCL on the first series of the game. Fucking shit. Even more annoying was the fact that Bernard Pollard was involved, if only because we had to listen to every dipshit in the fucking world talk about Pollard being "involved" in both Brady's and Welker's injuries. That's just fucking lazy, and I know plenty about being lazy.
2. The Cincinnati Bearcats
Ooooh, look at you in pretty white helmets! Fucking douchebags. The second I saw those stupid white helmets I knew Florida was going to rape Cincy all over the fucking field. And normally I wouldn't give a shit, but the Tebow fellatio reached a point where I was absolutely DYING to switch to a Brett Favre game. And we all know how I feel about that fuck.
And while we're here, a final fuck you to the BCS for not having TCU or Boise State play Florida. Sure, maybe the results would have been similar, but now we'll never know. All we'll know is who wins the "kids' table" Bowl tonight. Fucking boring.
3. BoozeRob
Booze wanted me to include going back to work here. Well fuck that. Hey asshole, not everyone's company gives its employees a two-week vacation at the end of the year. AND not everyone is so fucking uncoordinated that they break their ankle playing catch at a tailgate to get even more time off. Some of us have been working this entire time so fuck off! And hey, welcome back to work, buddy!
4. The Bathroom Scale
We're T-minus 4 months and counting from the due date of my baby (boy. Be a boy!) and it's about time to start getting my fat ass into shape. Fuck. It's going to fucking suck. And tomorrow after work I'm gonna kick things off by weighing myself just to see how fucking disgusting I really am. I am fucking dreading it. It should go something like this: strip buck ass fucking naked, step on scale, squint to see numbers, smash scale to fucking smithereens, kill myself. Sounds fun, huh? And then after I kill myself I'll start my stupid workout that is actually for chicks. That's right, I'm so fucking out of shape that I'm starting out with a workout designed for women. Fuck me right in the gut.
