Oh man, what a fucking weekend. My picks fucking sucked. The Patriots fucking sucked. The Celtics fucking sucked. Pretty much everything fucking sucked. Let's get to it.
1. The New England Patriots
Look, I had no illusions that this was going to be a Super Bowl year for the Pats. None at all. The 10-6 record was kind of pathetic, considering the winnable games that they fucking blew in the second half. The team didn't really have a quality win all season. But still, Sunday's game was a fucking shocker. Holy fucking shit that was fucking embarrassing. Watching Tom Brady throw duck after fucking duck was excruciating. Maybe his finger really is broken, jesus christ I hope is finger really is broken, but that was fucking terrible. 3 picks? Fucking terrible. The fumble was Matt Light's fault. He's fucking done as left tackle for the Pats. He might still be a serviceable lineman for the team but if Sebastian Vollmer isn't starting at LT next year I'll be fucking shocked.
I just really can't believe how the team just rolled the fuck over and let the Ravens fuck them in the ass yesterday. The opposing team's QB throws 4 completions and they still win by 19? And it wasn't even that close? Jesus christ I still can't even wrap my head around that shit. Fucking fuck that sucked. Some people are saying that it was better to lose like that instead of losing a close game. Fuck that shit. Those people are fucking idiots.
The only silver lining is that the Ravens have a MUCH better chance of beating the Colts than the Jets did. Please, Baltimore, rape the shit out of Peyton Manning. Please. That's all I have left to root for, a Colts loss.
Also, I had to shave my playoff beard, which fucking sucked. I was really looking forward to torturing Wifey with it for another week.
2. Shayne Graham
When you miss 35 and 24 yard field goals in a fucking playoff game you deserve to fucking die. Maybe those absolute fucking choke job shanks wouldn't have made a difference but jesus christ, that was awful.
And now the fucking Jets are still playing while the Pats are done. Mother. Fuck. I hate a lot of teams in the NFL, but the Jets are by far my most hated team. Fuck those shitheads. Fuck Rex Ryan and his cocky fat ass. Fuck Mark Sanchez (even though his dig at Pete Carroll was fucking great). Fuck New York City in general. Fuck them all. And fuck my life. San Diego better fucking eliminate them. Fuck.
3. The refs in the Green Bay-Arizona game
Honestly, I don't really care about this because at least I got one game right with my shitty ass picks this weekend. But something has to be said about the fact that there were at least two plays I saw where Larry Fitzgerald completely plowed over a defensive player to make a catch, including a ridiculous touchdown catch, and no pass interference was called even though Randy Moss got called for a much less blatant play earlier in the day. And as much as I enjoyed the game-ending play, it probably should have been a face mask call. When they showed the replay I argued with my family-in-law that since the ball was already fumbled it didn't matter but in reality it probably should have been roughing the passer or a face mask penalty. Oh well.
4. The first three games this weekend
Bengals-Jets: Fucking BO-RING
Cowboys-Eagles: Fucking blowout filled with penalties that lasted FOUR fucking hours
Patriots-Ravens: Over in the first quarter
Fucking A. Next weekend will probably be filled with awesome games and somehow I'll get pulled away from the tv and miss some awesome shit. Fuck.
5. Pete Carroll
I'm sure Booze will have more to say about Petey in the days to come but seriously, how much of a fucking prick is Pete Carroll? After underachieving and losing to huge underdogs the past few years it's clear that Carroll isn't the savior that everyone thought he was. And now USC is about to get fucking hammered by the NCAA and lose multiple years of bowl eligibility and Petey is fleeing the scene. What a fucking shithead. I honestly do not understand why the Seahawks are handing him the job. It makes no fucking sense. He sucked with the Jets and the Pats and time after time it's been shown that successful college coaches fucking blow as NFL coaches. Unbelievable. Fuck you, Pete.
