Alright people, I've sufficiently regrouped from that fucking ass-kicking on Monday so let's just do the thing, right?
Home team in CAPS
Philadelphia (-4.5) at ATLANTA
I fucking HATE picking Philly games. Hate, hate, hate! They have to be one of the most frustrating teams of all time, right? They have the talent, but every third week they look like a JV high school team. McNabb starts rifling the ball straight into the fucking ground, Andy Reid is doing idiotic Andy Reid things, Westbrook is fucking hurt AGAIN. It's infuriating, and damn near impossible to predict. Lock it the fuck up, jerks. I can't even fathom what it's like to be an Eagles fan.
CHICAGO (-8.5) over St. Louis
If Cutler can't get his shit back on track against the Rams this weekend then he's just fucking hopeless. And you know what? He might actually be hopeless. When I watch him play there is nothing that makes me think he'll ever be the top tier quarterback that so many people anointed him to be so prematurely. Oooooooooh, arm strength! Big fucking deal. A fuckload of people have good arm strength.
Detroit (+13.5) over CINCINNATI
Cincy has this annoying habit of playing down to their competition. Motherfuckers had me sweating for a while last weekend against the fucking BROWNS because they were my suicide pick.
INDIANAPOLIS (-6.5) over Tennessee
There's no fucking way Tennessee is winning this game. No. Fucking. Way. 6 straight losses followed by 6 straight wins? The redemption of Vince Young? Handing the Colts their first loss? Keeping the playoff dream alive? That is WAY too many happy/cool story lines for one team to have riding on a game. The Titans have no chance.
/dear lord let the Titans win
Denver (-4.5) over KANSAS CITY
Suicide pick alert! Aaaaaaaaaaand I just threw up in my mouth. But fuck, I'm running out of teams to choose and the Broncos were my best choice. Puke. Get it done, Neckbeard!
WASHINGTON (+8.5) over New Orleans
The Redskins have been playing better football lately and the Saints HAVE to be due for a letdown game this week, right? I originally picked the Saints but just now switched to Washington...so you can almost fucking guarantee the Saints are gonna blow them out. The last minute switch never fucking works. Fuck me.
Tampa Bay (+6.5) over CAROLINA
Who is starting for the Panthers in this game? Am I starting? That would be fucking rad. I could throw fewer picks than Delhomme. Give me a call, Coach Fox!
JACKSONVILLE (-0.5) over Houston
I'm confused by this line. Jacksonville is the better team and they're playing at home. What the fuck?
PITTSBURGH (-11.5) over Oakland
After being called out by some teammates after sitting out last week's game against the Ravens, I get the feeling that we're gonna see a fucking MONSTER game from Big Ben here. Like 400 yards passing and 4 TDs.
New England (-6.5) over MIAMI
Bill Simmons was whining about this line on his podcast earlier in the week, claiming that the line should be no higher than 3 in the Pats' favor. Really, fuckface? Giving only 3 points to a team that just got destroyed by BUFFALO?? Seriously, fuck off, you front running shithead. Simmons is always pointing out and criticizing the Boston media for pulling the whole "sky is falling" routine, yet he does the EXACT SAME FUCKING THING after any Pats loss. It's fucking infuriating. Yes, the loss on Monday sucked donkey dick, and yes, it raised some questions about the team. But listen, dickwad, the season is not fucking over, so stop with all this doomsday bullshit and setting yourself up to say "I told you so" if the Pats don't get it done in the postseason.
San Diego (-8.5) over CLEVELAND
The only exciting thing about this game is waiting to see what kind of shit Mangini pulls out of his ass. Was the other team cheating? Was it the refs fault? The Dawg Pound?? Why did you guys suck this week, Eric? Fucking asshole.
SEATTLE (-0.5) over San Francisco
I have nothing to say about this game.
BoozeRob DOES have something to say about this game:
Both of these teams fucking suck. If an asteroid hit the stadium, the fucking NFL wouldn't care. Seriously would anyone miss the Niners or the Hawks? Fuck no. SF fans are too busy sucking dick and Hawks fans are trading fucking scarves from the Sounders season.
Fuck my life.
Well ok then.
Dallas (-1.5) over NEW YORK GIANTS
I think we're a week away from the annual Dallas December Collapse. Just feels like they're gonna get the fans' hopes up before crashing and burning to 9-7.
ARIZONA (+3.5) over Minnesota
This pick is void if Warner doesn't get the start. And honestly, god boy, get your balls out of your fucking purse and get out there. Two weeks is long enough to recover from what may not have even been a concussion in the first place. Get out there and make this the battle of the gray-bearded quarterbacks, you pussy.
GREEN BAY (-3.5) over Baltimore
The Ravens are done. A loss here leaves them floundering for a wild card spot and there's no way the AFC North is sending three teams to the playoffs. Plus a loss means we get to hear the sweet cries of the Ravens complaining about the officials. Fucking tasty.
