Welcome to Monday Morning Fuck You, a recap of everyone and everything from the weekend that deserves a giant middle finger aimed squarely in their direction.
1. Fans of the University of Arizona
You stupid fucks! You know, call me crazy, but I think it's a pretty fucking good idea to wait until the game is actually OVER before you attempt to charge the field. You know who does that shit? Fucking Notre Dame. And just like the douchebag Irish, your team lost the fucking game, too! And really? You're going to rush the field after a win over fucking Oregon? Really?? I mean, yeah, fuck the Ducks and all that good shit but jesus fucking christ, have some pride in your team and try not to go fucking apeshit over a home win against Oregon. Fucking pathetic. You assholes can all bear down on my dick.
2. Charlie Weis
Hey, look who just suffered another humiliating loss? That's right! Big fat fuckhead Chaz Weis! Good god man, how many times does this need to happen before you just say fuck it and walk away. I know you're a dickhead and you want as much of a buyout as possible but fucking hell, aren't you embarrassed? Aren't you ashamed of yourself? HEY! Put that fucking cheeseburger down and listen to me! You fucking suck. Your school fucking sucks. And god dammit I love watching you lose, but please do us all a favor and just walk the fuck away.
3. Brett Favre
God dammit how is this piece of fuck 9-1 and having the best year of his life? That just will not fucking do. Start losing, asshole! And throwing those delicious pick sixes that you love to throw! I love those too! And while we're here, fuck Brad Childress too. That bearded fuck stumbles his way ass backwards into this dream season, gets a contract extension, and keeps calling for Favre to throw for TDs instead of handing the ball to Petersen and helping out the millions of fantasy players who took him with the first pick this year. Call more run plays, you bald piece of shit!
4. The Boston Celtics
God. Fucking. Dammit. Three Friday games in a row and three Friday losses in a row. Lock it the fuck up dickheads. Stop talking tough to the media about how you're only going to lose 10 games all year, or about how you're going to push the Magic around, or whatever the fuck else is in your stupid heads and just play basketball! You beat the Knicks by 2 last night! In overtime! THE FUCKING KNICKS!!! The bottom line is that you are playing like complete fuckheads right now and it is unacceptable. Get your heads out of each other's asses and stop fucking up the start of my weekend with a loss on Friday night.
5. The Mark Show
I have to put myself up here this week because I'm a fucking moron. After bemoaning the loss of Ronnie Brown because of the implications for my fantasy team you'd think that I would have dropped him or at the very least benched him, right? Nope! I completely forgot to set my roster up and left Brown in the starting lineup AND left Tomlinson on my bench. Tomlinson got 13 points. I lost my matchup by 4. Fuck. And the final kick in the balls is that I lost to BoozeRob's piece of shit team. Double fuck!
