Well hey hey! Anybody still checking this god damn site for updates? No? Jesus you people are demanding. You want updates more frequently than once every two months? Fine. I'd love to say that I've been super busy with no time to write but that's just simply not true. It's laziness. Pure and simple. So let's delve into some of the shit that's happened since the last time I wrote. At least some of the stuff I can remember, anyway. Getting old and senile fucking blows. Let's see, where shall we start? Oh! I know! I have a fucking kid now!
1. Baby Mark Show has arrived!
I plan on writing more about the joy/frustration/hilarity of having a baby around, but to avoid jamming 7 weeks of baby stuff into one post, let's just go with labor, delivery, and the first few days of parenthood for this one. On May 4th I went into work just like any other day and started my routine of checking email and catching up on all the shit piled up in my Google Reader cache.
That's it for now, people. Just gotta the blog wheels rolling again. More posts coming soon. I swear!
Wifey called on her way to a meeting...or at least I thought she was on her way to a meeting. Nope! Turns out she thought her water might have broken so she was on the way to the hospital to get checked out.
HOLY SHIT! Well what the fuck do I do now? Just sit here and wait for you to call me back?? Do you realize how impossible that is???
So I sat. And waited. And fidgeted. And walked around. After like 4 days I finally got the call that her water had indeed broken and that she was being checked in to the hospital so that they could induce labor at some point.
This all happened at like 9am. I raced home. Grabbed Wifey's pre-packed hospital bag, packed my own bag, and hustled to the hospital. Well, turns out that there was no rushing necessary. Just because the water breaks, it doesn't mean that labor has started. So we waited. And waited. And fucking waited. We played games, we watched a movie, we had lunch AND dinner. FINALLY, at 7pm the contractions started coming.
At first they were ok, just seemed like some mild discomfort. At least to me, anyway. Hell, at 9pm I even asked if she wanted to watch LOST (um, no). And then all of a sudden, holy shit here comes the pain!
If you know me at all, you know that I kinda sorta like being in control of situations. There's a reason it's called The Mark Show, after all. Well, watching my wife go through labor was probably the most helpless I've ever felt in my entire life. There was absolutely NOTHING I could do to help her while the contractions were happening and seeing someone you love in that kind of pain is fucking brutal.
At 9:30pm, the doctor came in to check her cervix and announced that it was still only 1cm dilated. Are you fucking kidding me, lady? I think Wifey was ready to punch her in the face when she said that. So labor continued and at about 10:30 Wifey had had enough and asked for an epidural. The nurse said ok, but wanted to check her cervix one more time. Hey, no more cervix! No epidural needed! And now it's time to push...
Now this was the part that blew my mind...pushing was the "easy" part of the whole process. After all the screams during the contractions, Wifey barely made a sound during the pushing phase. I'll forever be amazed by that. Completely calm, just working to get the baby out. Fucking incredible.
Pushing took us past midnight and into May 5, 2010. Fuck yeah, Cinco de Mayo party baby! At 12:21am, the baby came roaring out. The umbilical cord was wrapped around its neck. Twice. Jesus, cut that thing! I was trying my damnedest to determine if it was a boy or a girl but I couldn't see and finally the doctor announced, "It's a boy!" WOOOOOOOOOO!
The nurse cleaned him off, swaddled him and handed him to me. And holy shit that is an incredible feeling. Indescribable, really. He was wide awake, looking at me, looking around the room, just checking everything out. No crying or fussing, just completely content, staring up at me with these huge beautiful eyes. So. Fucking. Awesome.
And now, let's get back to some sports.
2. One Quarter Away
It shouldn't have been that close going into the 4th quarter, which is what really fucking kills me. The Lakers won Game 7 because the Celtics couldn't get a fucking rebound and kept allowing second chance points. I would love to bitch about the refs, but other than a few calls, they were fine. I would love to revel in Kobe's complete and utter stinkbomb. I would love to make fun of Pau Gasol for looking a stupid llama (actually, I can still do that. Fuck you, Llama!) I would have LOVED for Sasha fucking Vujacic to have choked at the free throw line. God damn it.
It shouldn't have been that close going into the 4th quarter, which is what really fucking kills me. The Lakers won Game 7 because the Celtics couldn't get a fucking rebound and kept allowing second chance points. I would love to bitch about the refs, but other than a few calls, they were fine. I would love to revel in Kobe's complete and utter stinkbomb. I would love to make fun of Pau Gasol for looking a stupid llama (actually, I can still do that. Fuck you, Llama!) I would have LOVED for Sasha fucking Vujacic to have choked at the free throw line. God damn it.
I actually started cheering when Ron Artest launched that 3 with under a minute to go. I still can't believe that went in. In fact, I can't believe Ron Artest was the MVP of that game. Fucking unbelievable.
All they had to do was hang on for one more quarter and they couldn't do it. Bur.
3. The Cleveland Indians
Actually, no, let's not talk about them. Jesus christ what a disaster.
